dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
