I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
