I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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