Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
