1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
