remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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