no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
