I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
