She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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