went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
as a side note pls kill me
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
