I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
