I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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