Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He called his prostate his "boner button".
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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