please come you make the beer taste better
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
