He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
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