Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
