I think scott just propositioned me for sex
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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