Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
So vagazzling was a success
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
