dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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