what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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