he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
