Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
