Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
