That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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