Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
