I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
