Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
