Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
