Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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