She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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