Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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