Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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