You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
