Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Randomize
