She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
