Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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