I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
