so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I wear drunk well.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
