Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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