my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
