New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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