U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
