i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You may now shotgun with the bride
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
