An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
This is the high leading the old right now
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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