Swine flu. Run for my life!
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
