I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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