what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
