Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
