youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
