My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
