when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
