long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Dear god my vagina.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
