just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
